Loving Kindness Meditation

         My first exposure to loving kindness meditation occurred during a conference I attended featuring the Dali Lama, so this practice is quite dear to me. I engage in it from time to time, but I rarely have particular people in mind when I begin... I just allow the practice to unfold as it will. Recently, however, I decided to actually choose an individual to focus the fourth part of this meditation upon before I began. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around my recent experience with this meditation, but I thought I'd share what came up for me. Perhaps y'all can help me 'make some sense'... 

         As some of you may recall, I began this ‘experiment' by offering a loving kindness meditation to a former partner who had hurt me deeply. Click  to see what I learned from that meditation, if you wish. After that, I decided to expand my endeavor.
 

        The next day I engaged in LKM intended towards a co-worker who often treats me in a belittling manor. Not surprisingly, I actually felt a shift in my perspective towards him after sitting for the meditation. I'm not quite sure how to explain it, but I felt as if the defensive contempt I usually harbor for him was replaced by a sort of compassion. (I'm not sure how long it will last... ; ^ ) I can offer, however, that three days later, during a staff meeting an exchange that would have typically left me calling him a jackass under my breath instead left me curious about the foundation for his hostility towards me and had me feeling slightly sad for whatever inadequacies he may be feeling that prompt him to belittle me.

        I haven't had much contact with him since then, but I have to admit I feel good about the way I handled myself both during and after our meeting (typically, I spend the good part of the next few days bitching about how academia is an ‘old boys' network and how unfair it is that the department chair sits idly by while my 'colleague' addresses me as ‘feminist barbie' or ‘Skipper'). It's nice to take a hiatus from all that negative energy! I think I actually caught myself smiling at him in the department recently...

        Enjoying my exercise in loving kindness thus far, I decided to up the ante a bit. (That's what happens when my adrenaline-junkie facet joins forces with my Zen facet, I should have known it meant trouble... Always does!)

        Next step, LKM intended towards the drunk driver responsible for the death of my 7 y/o daughter. Now, before you start screaming "what were you thinking!" I should tell you that the accident happened a few years ago, and I am currently in a really good place about all of it. Well, evidently not that good a place... There were definitely some tears during meditation that day, followed by some sobbing afterwards, but I can definitely say I felt a lightness in my person afterwards. I felt really good, strong. It was really empowering to be able to genuinely wish him peace of mind. To offer him forgiveness and hope that he was able to use that experience to push his own growth edges.

Then I tried to go to sleep that night.

My little endeavor into Loving Kindness Meditation has proven to be a brilliant catalyst for nightmares. Now, I recognize that a more enlightened individual may rejoice at the opportunity to do some dream work here, but I'm not sure I have the energy for that just yet. (Pun sort of intended...)

I stopped the experiment after that.

Who said "honor your limitations?" Well, if someone hasn't yet they should! On the upside, less time spent sleeping has provided more space for reading, blogging, cleaning,etc!